Thursday, September 13, 2018

Can a Gaslighter Change ? How to Defend Yourself against Gaslighting ?

How Gaslighting Affects Your Relationship

Gaslighting means to manipulate your partner in a relationship using psychological means until they doubt their own sanity. It is a malicious form of mental and emotional abuse that alters the victim’s perception of reality. It is based on the need for control and power. It involves lies, deceit and concealment. The manipulator may remember conversations and events differently than the victim. It is accidental as well as deliberate. It is similar to brainwashing, as a result of manipulation, the victim loses his own perception and sanity.
People who are persistent liars, are often capable of being charming and seductive. In a relationship when gaslighting begins, you are often hesitant to doubt the person you love and trust. This allows the perpetrator to further play with your mind and emotions and abuse you. He may make you believe that other people are all liars and only he or she is the one who knows it all. They will offer evidences to show that you are wrong. They also express love and concern that further confuses the victim and he starts to believe whatever his abuser is saying. Eventually you start to ignore your own sense of right and wrong and doubt you mind.

confronting a gaslighter

Whenever the perpetrator in the relationship is highlighted or questioned, he will immediately start playing the victim making you feel guiltier. This covert manipulation turns to accusations, distrust, insecurity and dishonesty. This escalates anger and the intimidation to punish, threat and bully if you are playing hard to manipulate.  This is not only the case in relationships, it can also occur at workplaces. The manipulator is usually an addict or a sociopath. Gaslighting is employed to cover up a crime, infidelity, gambling debts or investment losses.

In a relationship, the manipulator might undermine their spouse and try to shatter their confidence. A wife may attack a husband’s manhood and personality. A husband may criticize a wife’s looks and call him an incompetent mother. The purpose is to gain control and affect the spouse’s relationships with friends and relatives. It effects are very treacherous. We often recognize that we are being manipulated too late. Slowly, the victim loses their self- esteem, confidence, their sense of right and wrong and trust on their own instincts. The victim is not ready to believe that their spouse could do such a thing to them. This love and attachment in a relationship makes the manipulator gain more and more control over the victim’s mind and eventually it leads to a painful breakup.

Can a gaslighter change ? How to defend yourself against gas lighting ?

Confronting a gaslighter is must know technique for everyone.Once you discover that you are a victim of gaslighting, realize that it is due to their mental instability and not yours. They are insecure about themselves. Get immediate help. Find a strong support system and fight this abuse. Seek counselling for yourself and your partner. Once you know the truth, you will be more detached with your partner will not come into his abusive allegations. Change will require willingness and dedication from both the partners. If you spouse is willing to change, take joint counselling sessions. If your spouse is an addict or has a personality disorder, change is difficult. But always confront unwanted behavior. Never sacrifice your self-esteem and dignity no matter how much love and attachment there is in a relationship.

Once the victims have come out of disillusionment and denial, it is easier for them to regain their confidence and correct the past. Do not underestimate yourself or employ self-criticism upon yourself for not being able to stop the abuse. Be assertive in your life and set boundaries.
About gaslighter, yes he/she can be changed with proper psychological strategy.

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